


Out

by ifiwerecain



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Other, Sexuality talk, based on a YGConfessions post about T.O.P, i can see it tbh, love and support, mentions of se7en, musings, todae if you squint real fucking hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-09-03 01:49:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8691745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifiwerecain/pseuds/ifiwerecain
Summary: Yes, males truly were a sight to behold in Seunghyun's eyes, even his own friends.
And that terrified him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> based on a YGConfessions post; if you do a bit of close analysis, it would make sense that seunghyun could be gay. (and no i don't mean this because he likes pink, lots of heteroonie men like pink)  
> follow me at @KVLTPOP on twitter to talk bigbang and black metal with me! ♥️

It all started when he was initially rejected in trying to join YG Entertainment. 

"You're too fat", they said. "Unless you lose some weight, we won't consider you."

That struck Seunghyun to work hard in shedding a few pounds, not only because his dream was on the line, but because his best friend was counting on him as well. So Seunghyun put himself on a dieting and exercise regiment.

He would gaze at pictures of the "ideal body" at the gym, letting his mind fill with day dreams of achieving that body. In the end he did, and he was accepted as a trainee into YG. Pride filled him like a fire.

However, that's not all it came with.

Initially, Seunghyun would gaze at the men at the gym in jealousy. He envied how toned they were and how he had to work extra hard just to get close to that. Soon, however, it evolved into fascination. He would stare in the mirror of the weight room at the other men who had their backs turned, watching back muscles flex and create that artfully sculpted Adonis-like figure. 

It captivated him, and before he knew it, Seunghyun began to feel weird. It was beautiful in both an aesthetic and... romantic way, the way the male body worked.

After that he decided it was best to work out at home. 

When he first met Dongwook, those feelings came up again. Jesus Christ the man was beautiful, and this time Seunghyun didn't have to look at his body to realize that. Dongwook was the reason he was given the stage name T.O.P (because if not, he would have gone by the unforunately bland name of Mark) and still to this day he's grateful for that. However, he didn't do much to persue his small, budding feelings no matter how much fanservice they put on. 

Because he was terrified. 

When Seunghyun met his band members, he didn't think much. Jiyong was slim, Youngbae was short, Daesung had definition on him, Seungri had potential to grow. Seunghyun was happy being with them, but didn't feel much of anything, until years later.

All of the group, himself included, got incredibly handsome. 

Jiyong was now regarded as a fashion icon with his ever changing hair, androgynous appearance and tattoos; Youngbae was the obvious sex symbol with his gorgeous body, tanned skin and dancing ability; Daesung was the dark horse, showcasing his appeal in just how thick he had gotten– hence them dubbing him as "dangerous"; Seungri had made amazing progress in maturity and his wonderous ass.

Yes, males truly were a sight to behold in Seunghyun's eyes, even his own friends.

And that terrified him.

It was around the Alive era he came to terms with the fact that he was gay as hell after years of trying to suppress it. But he continued to do so in the public eye by writing promiscuous lyrics depicting himself as a player, living up to his pseudonym of "The Official Pimp". He did mention he had low interest in girls but followed it with his known interest of collectibles just to avoid any suspicion, because even the slightest hint of not being a fucking blatant heterosexual meant career suicide.

It was both comfortable and stifling, but he kept it under wraps. 

It was also around this time Seunghyun stopped paying attention to the male body and more on personality, specifically in his members. Jiyong was shy in contrast to his G-Dragon persona and he thought that to be absolutely adorable. Youngbae was a doting mother of sorts to everyone and proud of his faith, which was admirable. Daesung was full of energy and did his best to make everyone smile. Seungri had a dirty mind and loved his hyungs as much as they loved him. 

Seunghyun began to realize that one by one he felt something for all of them, and that also terrified him.

But he'd had enough. He was sick of hiding, sick of feeling scared. Ten years together was enough to create a bond that wouldn't be broken, right? They would all still love him regardless, right? 

–––––

Time was dwindling down to the December 12th comeback. MADE was long overdue and now finally they would be able to release the album in its full glory after the teasers of the singles last year. 

This also meant time was running out before Seunghyun had to enlist. He was ready for it but knew he would miss his boys dearly.

"This is the right thing to do," Seunghyun muttered to himself. He gazed at his reflection in the mirror of the hotel room. "It's now or never." 

They had just finished one of their Hajime No Sayonara events and all the members were tired. These events were fun but surely drained them, and Seunghyun expected everyone to be asleep. However, he just couldn't wait. He was drunk off some wine a staff member presented to him and it was getting the better of his judgement (he just wasn't able to hold his alcohol like he used to). 

Seunghyun picked up his phone and decided who it would be that he'd text. He wanted to confide it in a single person first, to test the waters, before the whole group. Better one person hate him than everyone else and split them all apart.  
With shaky hands he looked through his contacts and picked one of the numbers.

 

Daesung was startled by the vibration of his phone from under his pillow. Sitting up groggily he pulled it out and saw it was a text from Seunghyun.

"Can we talk?"

Daesung squinted, trying to see the phone screen better through his tired eyes.

"Sure, hyung. What is it?"

A few seconds later he got a reply. Seunghyun must not be as tired, Daesung thought.

"I'd prefer I tell you in person. I'm outside the door."

The vocalist rose to his feet and went to the door, actually surprised to see Seunghyun there. He looked tired and his pastel pink hair was a mess. 

"Come inside," Daesung said quietly, trying not to make too much noise as to alert anyone. He softlt closed the door and Seunghyun sat himself on the large bed, wine bottle still in his hands.

"Is everything okay?" Daesung asked, climbing on to the bed and facing him. "The enlistment thing isn't bothering you again is it?"

"No, that's not it..." Seunghyun's voice was low. "I just... I don't know how I'm going to say it, exactly."

There was a pang of worry that rose in Daesung's chest, almost visible in his eyes. He flipped his faded blue hair out of his face and leaned a little closer.

"You can tell me anything, hyung, you know that. I'm always here to listen to you."

Seunghyun smiled at that.

"Do you promise you won't say anything? For now, at least?"

"Of course." Daesung crossed over his heart with his index finger. Seunghyun nodded and exhaled slowly, looking down at his hands.

"...So, um. I've been thinking about some things lately and I figured it would be best to tell you guys now since we only have so much time left. It's not because I like pink or that my hobbies are a bit more... 'out there', but I'm not... straight."

Seunghyun's eyes met with Daesung's, whos poker face at the moment was absolutely unbeatable.

"I'm gay, Daesung. I like men, and for a bit I kind of... liked you guys, but not in a sexual way or anything, more of a platonic way, and... yeah." Seunghyun sighed. "I just hope that doesn't make you guys think less of me, since I'm supposed to be... you know, a player and all that."

He paused for a moment, waiting for a reply. Then Daesung reached his hands out to grab Seunghyun's.

"Hyung, we would never think less of you for being gay."

The elder immediately sat up, almost as if soberness had hit him. He looked Daesung dead in the eyes, a little surprised. The younger man gave him a smile.

"We've all been together for ten years now. You don't have to be afraid to tell us things, but I know this must have been difficult."

Was Seunghyun about to cry? He felt tears threatening to fall from his eyes hearing this. Apparently Daesung took notice of his glassy eyes as well as he scrambled to give him a hug.

"You don't have to cry, hyung!" he laughed. "You promised you'd never let me see you cry!"

"I know!" Seunghyun replied, letting his head fall on Daesung's sturdy shoulder. "I mean I knew I should have expected a positive reaction, but still..." 

"So how will we tell the others?"

Seunghyun thought for a moment, then rose his head up. 

"I'll tell them. Its an off day tomorrow, right? I guess we'll have everyone gather in one of the rooms before we leave."

"I'll take care of that, don't worry," Daesung replied, rubbing small circles in Seunghyun's back. "I feel kind of honored I was the first person you told, you know? I figured it would have been Jiyong."

Seunghyun chuckled, "If I had told Jiyong my phone would have exploded by now." The leader did have a reputation for exposing secrets to everyone.

"Ah, Daesung?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks for taking it so well, it made everything a lot easier."

Daesung smiled and pulled the rapper into a tight hug. Sometimes he forgot just how swole the vocalist was. With that, he left Daesung to sleep for the rest of the night (also because the last thing they needed was their manager trying to open Seunghyun's door only to find he's not there), heading back to his room quietly.

––––––

The following morning Seunghyun woke up to find the other four members sitting in his room, all staring him down while he was still in bed. He let out a startled shriek (freaking out Daesung in the process, who in turn startled Seungri) and nearly toppled over. To the left of him he could hear Jiyong laughing.

"Holy shit, how did you guys even get in here?!" He asked, clutching his chest. This wasn't exactly the wake up call he was expecting.

"We asked the manager to open the door, he has all our extra room cards," Youngbae replied. He sat next to Seunghyun on the bed. "Daesung said there was something you needed to tell us?"

Oh, right. 

Seunghyun mentally prepared himself, then spilled his life story on how he discovered he was gay. The gym, the sudden fascination with the male body, then finding he was attracted to Dongwook. With blush creeping on his face he admitted to liking the four of them at one point, just as he told Daesung.

There was silence for a while, and worry suddenly panged in his chest. Maybe he should have only told Daesung and kept it between them.

Then, there was a laugh. It was from Seungri.

"That's it? Shit, I thought you were gonna say you were dating someone."

Seunghyun rose an eyebrow. "You're not shocked?"

"Me? No, I'm not. You hit my ass a little to convincingly for 'fanservice', hyung."

The rapper looked around to Jiyong and Youngbae, who actually did look a little surprised.

"You've kept that in this long?" Jiyong asked, his voice soft. Seunghyun nodded, then felt the bed compress behind him as Jiyong set his head on his shoulder. "Why not tell us sooner?"

"I was scared. Coming out isn't exactly easy, you know." 

"I'm glad you told us though," Youngbae chimed in. "Of course we don't think of you any different. You're still our Seunghyun, no matter what."

Suddenly the rapper felt himself surrounded by his members in a hug. It felt warm and reassuring, and there was almost less weight on his heart now. For them to take it so well was going to bring him to tears again, and it did.

"Hyung's crying!" Seungri cried, holding Seunghyun's face in his hands and laughing. 

"Stop it! I can't help how emotional this makes me, you idiot!" Seunghyun replied, pulling the maknae's ear. 

\------ 

For the remainder of the day Seunghyun felt lighter than he's ever been. He felt free, almost, as if now he could do anything and not have the nagging worry of his sexuality creep up on him, eating away at his thoughts and daydreams.

And now, with his members in support of him, he wasn't terrified any longer.


End file.
